For this experiment, I chose to eat at America's favorite restaurant, Denny's, for the first time. I'm going to give you my experience in an easy to follow, stepwise format.
1. Walk into the amalgamated truck stop/Denny's, walk past the Cabela's Deer Hunter and mathematically impossible Stack Champ arcade games, and get seated by the metrosexual Kentuckyan waiter.
2. Lookit dat menu, boy! I never knew there were so many different ways to eat eggs and bacon!
3. Order your egg/syrup/meat/lard digestion golem from said waiter.
4. Watch Duck Dynasty on the TV screen in the corner until your food-construction material bastard hybrid arrives.
5. Use your fork, knife and any high grade explosives to carve through your purchase. Place it bit by bit into your mouth, and chew (use your molars exclusively, as your front teeth cannot handle it)
6. Fight through every urge your brain sends to stop this madness.
7. FIGHT IT YOU SISSY
8. If you can walk after finishing the meal, leave this 10th Circle and find a place to write your last will and testament, as you slowly feel the life fade from your bones.
9. Make sure whoever is driving you (as you certainly won't be able to operate machinery at this point) is able to stop at a gas station on your way to your destination as your intestines will be working overtime trying to figure out what they did to deserve this.
10.OH GOD WHY
11. WHY WON'T IT STOP
12. [Expletives Deleted]
Omygodthatbathroom
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